Sunday, July 23, 2006

Going Psychotic Playing Poker

Last had to be the worst night of my online poker career. As best I can figure, I was just overtired and completely screwed up my tournaments.

I'd list the tournaments and details, but frankly I was so embarassed by my play that I want to forget as quickly as possible. Let's just say that I made totally idiotic moves. In at least one of the tournaments (OPT $10 buy in at Poker Host), I just made some poor decisions at the end. In the others ...

After the shock of it all set in, I turned off my computer and the lights in my bedroom and just laid on the bed. I told my wife that I was sulking. She left and I fell asleep.

I had this disturbing dream, but unfortunately, I can't remember most of it. What I can remember, however, is that I was wearing white clothes, and something happened to get mud all over them. Hmmm ... could this have been my subconscious telling me that I crapped all over myself in poker?

After I woke up, I decided to go through some of the garbage in my garage. My wife was in a cleaning mode today and decided to attack the attic. Files, letters, documents, etc of the last 26 years of my life were waiting for me to go through and save or pitch.

Geez - I had forgotten how many letters my mother and my best friend had sent me in college - especially during my first year when I was lonely from being away from family and friends. No wonder that the bond between some mothers and sons is so strong. And my friend, Mike, who sent me all the letters - always a friend for life.

Interestingly, I also found a stack of letters from a girl with whom I'd had an intense relationship. Although our actual face-to-face time was not very long, she is probably one of only three women that I might have actually married. Of course, I have a fantastic wife (who has so far not killed me for all my online poker time!), but the relationship with this other woman was a few years before I met my wife. How differently my life might have been if that long distance relationship had worked out ...

My favorite song of all time is Jumper by Third Eye Blind. One of the great lines from the song:

"Everyone's got to face down the demons
Maybe today
You could put the past away"

So ... I will hope that I can put the past away and move on. July 23, 2006 - here I come!


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