Monday, June 13, 2011

An Open Letter to LeBron James

Dear LeBron:

Another NBA season has come and gone, and again you are without a championship. If fact, things appear even worse since it now seems that half the world hates your guts. Did it really have to be that way? Is there hope for your future?

I do not know who advises you, but whatever they are getting paid is waaaay too much. I'll tell you what -- hire me at a decent wage and I promise to have the world loving you again in no time. Well -- let me change that statement a bit -- I will attempt to undo most of the damage you created for yourself this past year. I'll leave the miracles to the Man upstairs.

Now, first a confession: I am not the biggest NBA fan in the world. I just have not liked the product very much since Michael Jordan's second retirement -- the one that should have been final. I knew about you, but was not all-consumed the way many Cavs fans probably were. I know you have heard most of this before, but sometimes I wonder if mega-stars like yourself ever listen to a sane, logical voice. I don't hate you but I will never be mistaken for a "yes man." That being said, let's chat about the past year ...

1) Leaving Cleveland -- There was no way that this ever works out. You can't dump the girl who loves you no matter what. Sometimes you have to leave, but you can at least minimize the damage.

What you should have said; "I have made the difficult decision to leave the Cavaliers. I will be forever grateful to the fans of Cleveland for their support." This should have been said early and up front out of respect to the team, the fans, and the owner.

2) The Decision -- Probably the absolute worst decision by a professional athlete in recent memory. No matter who you ended up with, this debacle was designed to piss off everyone else. Anyone who had anything to do with it should be kept as far away from you as possible.

What you should have done: Have a press conference, announce your decision, take difficult questions.

3) Over-the-top celebration in Miami -- We all expect fanfare when a big-time athlete comes to our team, but this extravaganza was just too much to stomach. A little humility thrown into the process might have gone a long way.

4) Playoff performance -- When you are The Man, you have to be the man when it counts most (see Michael Jordan). Having stretches of greatness mixed in with stretches of mediocrity just doesn't cut it. Deferring shots and opportunities to teammates at crunch time shows a lack of confidence and a lack of the chutzpah the greatest have as part of their being. Even if you made a great effort and fell short (see Dwyane Wade), you would garner respect. Disappearing during the NBA Finals is not an option.

5) Bitterness -- Next time keep your mouth shut after you lose. The fans are the ones who have provided you this fantastic lifestyle. How about a little respect for them?

What you should have said: "I would like to congratulate the Dallas Mavericks on winning the NBA title. They are a class act and did what they needed to do at the right times. I am disappointed for myself, my teammates, and the Heat fans. I will learn from this defeat and come back even more determined and prepared than I was this season. It will be a long summer. I pledge my best efforts to bring a championship to Heat fans in 2012."

Oh yeah -- no more flopping in high profile games. That type of action is not befitting of the most talented player in the game today. And no more mocking of an athlete who stuck with it and brought a championship to his team and city (see Dirk Nowitski). Be on your best bevavior, act like a man, and show that you have the gumption to kick ass all next season and not stop until the championship trophy is in your hands. If you want to be judged with the all-time greats there are still many steps to be taken.

I am also available for consulting -- at a price that a wealthy guy like you can easily afford. Give me a chance. I mean really -- could I mess things up any worse than they are now?



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Anonymous KenP said...

could I mess things up any worse than they are now?

You've gotten awfully cocky since Joe C. has gone incommunicado.

1:16 PM  
Blogger lightning36 said...

Ahhh, I've always been a cocky SOB. I do miss my Josie, though. Last time I heard from her was when she thought she could get a free room in Las Vegas through someone else. Guess she didn't need me anymore ... he he.

1:53 PM  
Blogger PokahDave said...

Well Said. I saw a facebook post about Roy Munson being able to rest easy. Now it's Lebron'd. As in "You Lebron'd that game huh?"

3:12 PM  
Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Dear Lebron,

I feel it important to tell you nobody likes Lightning either. If you should hire his services I think his "How could I ever do worse" might become a prophetic statement heralding some major disaster bigger than any you have created so far.

Hatah Forever,

3:41 PM  
Blogger lightning36 said...

And I thought that Waffles had all his hate dissipating through his running. Good to know that there are some things in life upon which you can depend.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Memphis MOJO said...

LeBron's reality contact is shaky. I heard today that he tweeted that it wasn't God's will or some words like that.

You know, I don't think God gives a $hit about a basketball game. Gimme a break.

6:07 PM  
Blogger The Neophyte said...

If he had done the sensible thing, he would have signed with Chicago giving him a true point guard to play with. And yes he has screwed things up about as bad as he could. His press conference showed what he was all about. All ego, no heart.

8:09 PM  
Blogger crafty said...

@Mojo, you're correct. Everyone knows that god is a hockey fan.

Is he a Bruins fan? We'll find out tomorrow.

8:01 PM  

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