Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A Short Letter to the Poker Gods

Dear Poker Gods:

Hi -- this is lightning36. You remember me, don't you? Every so often you used to acknowledge that I was playing some fun online game against my poker blogger buddies or other assorted internet riff raff. In my home games or games at the brick and mortar casinos you seemed to be fair to me -- not overly generous, mind you, but I do acknowledge that I received a few crumbs from you here and there. I don't think I complained that much.

Lately, you appear to have somehow found disfavor with me. Sometimes I wait for hours getting hands like 9-3os, 10-5os, J-3os. I realize that playesr cannot get good cards nearly every hand (unless they are a princess) and do not ask for that. It would be nice, but I am not asking for the sky.

I am walking at a slow pace this morning because once again my testicles are swollen. Not by any late-night porn sessions, you understand, but because I got kicked in the nuts pretty hard last night. I know I did everything right and got a wild player in my home game to risk his entire stack on a double belly-buster. Was it really necessary to provide a Jack on the river to complete his straight? I was ready to go home with a huge win but instead left with nary a chip to my name.

If this is all because of something I have done, please tell me and I will try to correct it. In the meantime, please try looking deep inside your hearts (I do NOT believe you are heartless -- at least not yet) and see if you can find at least a little love for this nearly broken man. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Thank you for your consideration. I hope that we will be on good terms once again soon.


Blogger ~Coach said...

Please let us know if this letter works so that I can have one ready on file... :)

9:14 AM  
Blogger Josie said...

Ohh swollen testicles....

Tonight, your ass gets handed to you too - it'll just be red, not swollen.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Memphis MOJO said...

I am walking at a slow pace this morning because once again my testicles are swollen.


10:32 AM  
Anonymous KenP said...

Sparky: Poker God! Poker God! Why me?
PG: Because you piss me off.

(Going with the oldies but goodies.)

11:39 AM  
Blogger Spot said...

The mistake that we make is we think these poker gods really give a shit. We are here for their amusement, nothing else. That does not mean that they are not watching and intervening. For instance, they may provide an amazing run for a player, wait for hubris to kick in, and then WHAMO! Three years of being card dead, coolers galore, and one-outers. They also seem to provide assorted so-called friends to rub your nose in it.

Mind you, at no point in your particular journey do I think you have been guilty of hubris. Nor do I think a bad run is necessarily indicative of being guilty of anything more than refusing to give up and read a good book. One has to keep in mind that these poker gods are sick muthas, but then we are as well to continue in our zero sum pursuits.

1:35 PM  
Blogger PokahDave said...

I can't bring myself to play online testes are still swollen from 1.5 years ago...I really don't have any desire to get back to online poker. There...I said it......

2:43 PM  

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