Come Along with Me to Church ...

I was making a solo trip to church this evening (yes -- I am a good ol' Catholic guy) and knew that my mind would be wandering. It's not that I didn't care about what was going on, but I just was in an introspective mood. So what does a guy think about in church? Come along with me and find out ...

1) A guy sitting to my left kept falling asleep during the homily (a reflection on the day's readings). My wife usually wakes me up before I start snoring on those days when I am tired. Anyway, I thought back to when I was in high school and was working mega hours at McDonald's. I would come to church after work, smelling of cooked hamburgers and onions. Once I dozed off and woke up, only to see some little kid in front of me staring right at me. I didn't know if he was amused or had gotten the munchies from my smell.

2) Saw a lady with long blonde hair. She reminded me of a lady in church who laughed when my son, at a tender age, accidentally slammed his head really hard against the pew. It was loud and it really hurt. You should have heard him cry. Yet, this lady behind us was laughing. I'll bet she had a collection of leather restraints and whips at her house.

3) I was reminded of a night ten years ago when the church was going to begin a new sex ed program in the schools and religious ed classes and wanted a parent from each family to attend an evening meeting in the church. I went with my friend, Tony. Most families had their mother there and we were definitely in the minority. Tony and I played a little game -- how many of these milf-ish women would we have sex with? We wondered -- did discussing this in church intensify the sin? Were we in need of the sex ed class?

4) Today's first reading included a section on vanity -- Ecclesiastes, Chapter 2, Verses 22-23: "For what profit comes to a man from all the toil and anxiety of heart with which he has labored under the sun? All his days sorrow and grief are his occupation; even at night his mind is not at rest. This also is vanity."

It reminded me of the time when I was head of my department at work. I was so driven to have my department be as perfect as possible (talk about vanity!) that I worked endless hours, almost screwed up my marriage (those who know me know that Mrs. lightning must be one tolerent wife!), and lived with massive anxiety almost every day. Never again, I learned. Life is too short.

5) Oh yeah -- I remembered that we have a few members of our blogger society who have been going through some intense personal hardships with family members who have medical issues. Yes -- church: what better place to say a few extra prayers? Task completed -- heartfelt prayers sent via express.

There were other thoughts, of course, but I think you've heard too much already. I sometimes wonder if I have an undiagnosed case of ADHD. I'll try to think about this tonight ... lol.