Rockin' the Grocery Store on Sunday Afternoon
Since I do most of the family grocery shopping I thought I'd better make a run before I leave for Indiana tomorrow. The first stop, Meijer, brought nothing unusual. It was at the second stop, County Market, where I seemed to run into an unusual cast of characters shopping today:
1) Tall creepy guy. This was the name given to this gentleman by someone who works with him at the local newspaper. The guy looks like a tall version of John Larroquette. His usual job is to stand at a station at the local grocery stores and try to get people to suscribe to the local daily paper. He does kind of give me the creeps.
2) Big version of Danny DeVito. Much bigger. And he smelled really, really bad. He smelled so bad that you could smell him an aisle away. He had the DeVito hair and was wearing a wife beater. I would call the shirt by the name we called it while I was growing up, but I will be sensitive to the feelings of some of my Italian readers. Okay ... eff it -- it was a Dago tee.
3) Beautiful underage girl. Yeah -- you know her -- blondish-brown hair, thin, nice tan, long legs, short shorts. Hmmm ... maybe I should make that trip down to Florida instead of Indiana (see previous two posts).
4) Husband of She Hate Me. She Hate Me is this woman in town who used to be a friend of my wife. For some reason, she despised me. I honestly do not know why. I rarely talked to her, she knew little about me, and I could not understand the hate. But it was there. Clearly. Someone once speculated that perhaps I reminded her of some guy who crapped on her really badly. Anyway, it is kind of funny because no one seemed to like her husband ... except me. First time I had seen him in years and years. He is still around after winning a battle against cancer. I'd have liked to have said "hi" to him, but it was not like I really wanted to ask "So ... how is you biotch wife?"
5) Funny eyebrow lady. She shaved them off and drew in some really wicked ones. She shouldn't have used the McDonald's golden arches for a guide.
6) Old lady who smelled good. Thank goodness I walked next to her after running into #2 several times.
Bastin thinks that my dark side is coming out. Maybe he is right.
1) Tall creepy guy. This was the name given to this gentleman by someone who works with him at the local newspaper. The guy looks like a tall version of John Larroquette. His usual job is to stand at a station at the local grocery stores and try to get people to suscribe to the local daily paper. He does kind of give me the creeps.
2) Big version of Danny DeVito. Much bigger. And he smelled really, really bad. He smelled so bad that you could smell him an aisle away. He had the DeVito hair and was wearing a wife beater. I would call the shirt by the name we called it while I was growing up, but I will be sensitive to the feelings of some of my Italian readers. Okay ... eff it -- it was a Dago tee.
3) Beautiful underage girl. Yeah -- you know her -- blondish-brown hair, thin, nice tan, long legs, short shorts. Hmmm ... maybe I should make that trip down to Florida instead of Indiana (see previous two posts).
4) Husband of She Hate Me. She Hate Me is this woman in town who used to be a friend of my wife. For some reason, she despised me. I honestly do not know why. I rarely talked to her, she knew little about me, and I could not understand the hate. But it was there. Clearly. Someone once speculated that perhaps I reminded her of some guy who crapped on her really badly. Anyway, it is kind of funny because no one seemed to like her husband ... except me. First time I had seen him in years and years. He is still around after winning a battle against cancer. I'd have liked to have said "hi" to him, but it was not like I really wanted to ask "So ... how is you biotch wife?"
5) Funny eyebrow lady. She shaved them off and drew in some really wicked ones. She shouldn't have used the McDonald's golden arches for a guide.
6) Old lady who smelled good. Thank goodness I walked next to her after running into #2 several times.
Bastin thinks that my dark side is coming out. Maybe he is right.
posted by lightning36 at 5:56 PM
7 Comments:
To have a dark side would mean you have a side that isn't so dark. I just cannot believe that.
I'll give you a dago tee shirt where the sun don't shine!
People watching should be an Olympic sport -- you'd gold medal!
If you are coming to Indiana, I am alerting the border guards. And, you realize that folks from that brokeass state must post a performance bond.
Another fine Hoosier welcome I see. No matter -- I am going to southern Indiana, which is really Kentucky anyway. Afterall, you line in northern Indiana, which is really Illinois or Ohio...
heh, I see the real Danny DeVito (and Rhea Perlman) all the time... he has an apartment next to my office. I usually smell way worse than him - I ride my bike in....
Women all natural hate you and are creeped out.. She was just nice enough to say so out loud.
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