My Personal Life, Part I: The Gift

How many times in life do we wish for  a second chance? How many times do we actually get that chance? If we do, how do things work out? I have gotten a lot more insight into these questions the past two months. I am happy to report positive results.

The background: My wife and I have three children. The middle child is our son, Rick. In the summer of 2013, Rick began taking classes at the University of Illinois and wanted to live on/near campus. Amazingly, just before the fall semester began, we were able to find him a decent apartment very close to the building where he would take most of his computer science classes. That same summer, our oldest daughter also moved out after she completed her Associate in Arts degree. Life was never the same after they moved out, as we went from a family of five to a family of three.

There is certainly an adjustment phase. Since both were still living in town, we still saw/heard from them occasionally, especially if the subject was free use of our laundry or a home cooked meal, not to mention the occasional need for some cashola. Initially, I remember both feelings of sadness at their leaving and also happiness at seeing them start to transition into responsible adults. We still had a daughter living at home and did not become empty nesters until I retired and we were selling our house just over four years ago.

Rick, who was in the Math/Computer Science program at the University of Illinois, had a bright future ahead of him. He decided to take a job in Seattle -- 2,000 miles away! Fortunately, since he was living in a major city and we were within driving distance to the Chicago airports, we knew visiting could always be done by tweaking our work/vacation schedules.

I retired from my job in July 2020. Our youngest daughter moved out in October, knowing that the sale of our house and our move to the Phoenix area was imminent. When she did, we were without children living in our house for the first time since 1992 -- the first time in 28 years! There were certainly  feelings of sadness and emptiness, but also an excitement at realizing that hey -- this is how we started 32 years ago! We sold our house in Illinois in December and moved to Arizona just before Christmas of 2020. Our son was now 1,400 miles away and our daughters were 1,700 miles away.

The move to Arizona has been great for us. My wife's best friend lives out here, and I have family in the area. However, more and more, we felt the pangs that many advancing age parents feel: we miss our kids. They don't understand how much visits, phone calls and texts mean to us. Fortunately, between our visiting them and their visiting us, we've still been able to see each other sporadically. And although it is great living by ourselves and only having ourselves and our pets (two dogs and a cat) to take care of on a daily basis, there has been a degree of quietness and loneliness that we have adapted to.

Recently, we had a change, as our son ran into some bad times. He broke up with his long-time girlfriend who moved to Seattle with him, and was laid off from his sweet computer engineering job due to company cost cutting measures. He was in a downward spiral. After going through his severance pay and savings, he had no money for rent. We had been offering to let him take a nice break away by vising us, but declined. Finally, my wife convinced him to move in with us for three months to try to effect change in his life. So, at the end of last November, my wife flew to Seattle, helped my son pack and move some things into storage, and drove back home with him. He has now been at our house for about two months.

How has it been? Well, there were obviously some adjustments that had to be made by all three of us. Shopping and sleeping routines, among other things, had to be modified. Suddenly the downsized house for two retirees now had to make room for a third person. No more walking around the house in varying degrees of nakedness!

In spite of these minor issues, the experience has so far been overwhelmingly positive. My wife has always expressed how much she loved it when our kids were real little. Personally, I like things more with having adult children. I know that we both have felt lonely without our children around. After over 11 years without our son living with us and over four years since we became empty nesters, we once again have a child in the house. To me, it is more like a second chance to experience family in a way we never thought we'd see again. And as much as my son is struggling to work through his difficulties (he did find a great 30+ hours/week job at a landscaping company a few minutes walk from our house), it has been a joy to have him here -- really, a gift, to be able to get back, if only for a short time, that feeling of having your own kids back in the house. He's trying to find a computer engineering job where he can work from home, or some type of hybrid job that would be based in Seattle. He is through 2/3 of the time we initially agreed upon, due to review at the end of the three month period. He desperately wants to moved back to Seattle, but the professional job situation is crucial. He might move back to Seattle and move in with a friend until he finds a job, but we are hoping that he will stay with us until he has that job. We have no idea what the future will bring right now. However, I am determined to enjoy this gift while we have it. We have already gone to two Phoenix Suns games and will likely go to a Seattle Mariners cactus league game or two. I might take my son with me for a short stay in Las Vegas so that he can experience the city that I love. The conversations we have are amazing. Talk about generational differences!

This issue is one that has been dominating my life for the past couple of months. In my next post -- My Personal Life, Part II --  I will write about two other major life changes that 2025 has brought. It seems that things are rarely dull in Arizona retired life!

Thanks for reading.